Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Creeepy Xmas Movies

<p><strong>What It Is: </strong>Serial killer Jack Frost is being carted off to his execution when the truck carrying him to the execution chamber crashes with another truck carting "genetic material" (because that's a thing, clearly). He subsequently melds with the snow and becomes a killer snowman, bent on getting even with the sheriff that caught him.</p><p><strong>Why Your Holidays Will Never Be the Same:</strong> What's really weird is that "Jack Frost" is also the name of a 1998 cuddly comedy starring Michael Keaton as a man who also comes back to life as a snowman to bond with his son, not kill him. </p><p><strong>Your Secret Santa Gift:</strong> If there isn't already a really twisted mash-up of the two "Jack Frost" movies on the Internet, you know what you have to do with your holiday break, don't you?</p>

"JACK FROST" (1997)


Not to be mistaken for Jack Frost (1998) with Michael Keaton, this hilarious-for the-wrong reasons Xmas tale involves a serial killer getting turned into a snowman and going around killing people. 

BLACK CHRISTMAS 2006


You can also watch the 1974 version. I've only seen this 2006 remake about a crazy escaped mental patient who goes back to his childhood home to exact revenge on his family, except that the family is gone and in there place is a bunch of sorority girls. Oh well. They'll have to do. This version has a very creepy back story, some funny one-liners, and good performances by the young actresses including Lacey Chabert & Michelle Trachtenberg.

<p><strong>What It Is:</strong> So, you've heard of the virgin birth? Well, Satan orchestrated something similar, and thus we got a kill-happy Santa. There's more to it than that, but it's all fully ridiculous.</p><p><strong>Why Your Holidays Will Never Be the Same:</strong> You will wonder who had blackmail material on Emilie de Ravin ("Lost," "Once Upon A Time") to cast her in this pine-scented abomination. </p><p><strong>Your Secret Santa Gift:</strong> A buff Santa (the part is played by retired wrestler Bill Goldberg).</p>

"SANTA'S SLAY" (2005)


Starring: Emilie de Ravin ("Lost," "Once Upon A Time")


<p><strong>What It Is:</strong> Remember 1984's loudly-protested "Silent Night, Deadly Night"? Well, this is more-or-less a remake. Amazingly, after all the fussing over the original (which resulted in crappy box office numbers at the time), it became a cult hit that spawned a number of sequels.</p><p><strong>Why Your Holidays Will Never Be the Same: </strong>The cast is better than you'd expect – including Malcolm McDowell ("A Clockwork Orange") as the sheriff.</p><p><strong>Your Secret Santa Gift:</strong> The movie borrows from the 2008 Covina mass murder, in which a guy bursts into his in-laws' house wearing a Santa suit and bearing a flame thrower. So your nightmares will be extra realistic!</p>

"SILENT NIGHT" (2012)


Remember 1984's loudly-protested "Silent Night, Deadly Night"? Well, this is more-or-less a remake.  The cast is better than you'd expect – including Malcolm McDowell ("A Clockwork Orange") as the sheriff. The movie borrows from the 2008 Covina mass murder, in which a guy bursts into his in-laws' house wearing a Santa suit and bearing a flame thrower.
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